What if!

  The look on her face as she held her baby was epic, the joy was indescribable. I couldn't help the tears that cascaded slowly down my cheeks.
   "she's so adorable" I muttered amidst tears as I rubbed the baby's cheek with my thumb, the mom smiled at me. Her joy had replaced her initial feelings and aggressive emotional outburst that she had when she came into the hospital in labour.
  My duty at the hospital ended few hours before dawn when the  baby was born but her mother's condition during the labour attracted me to her and the connection stayed.
    she was really screaming and cursing. I wondered why it troubled her that much(not like I have been in labour before)
  "O God, get it out of me!" she kept yelling, like the doctors will cut open her Tommy and take out the baby.

   "it's so painful!" she muttered sometimes, and I stared in sympathy, if only children knew how much pain most mothers pass through to birth them, I believe they will treat their mothers with more respect.
   But looking at her now after the hectic and painful episodes, she looks like someone who had been fed a big bowl of chocolate flavored ice-cream all morning.
But something saddened me about that scenario. The uncertain life the baby was going to face... The uncertain days, the challenges and the tough times that awaits the child.
   The monsters out to derail and impede her easy journey through life.
The uncertain times when she would refuse to listen to instructions because she feels she has the right to free living and choices.
   The uncertain times when pains, hurt and trials come, and she will look around for help but would find none.
      I chuckled within myself as the baby cuddled up in its mothers arms... If only she knew that the world we live in is not as cozy as her mothers' arms it has its immeasurable ups and down, at least I have had my share of that and am still going through my own struggle.
    It will be 8 years next week since I got married and I have not had a share of as much joy as this woman has with her child and my patience was running out.
    As a pediatrician I have seen alot of happy babies, cute ones, very cute ones and of course  the twins and triplets.
   I have seen some insensitive mothers wishing they never considered childbirth and I marveled within myself, who does that?
    I have had to treat little babies as young as a day old who were found abandoned in dumpsites and in the bizarre of places and I always ask the question why does God choose to give the right answer to the wrong people?
      "excuse me doctor" the mother called my attention
I step towards her wearing my signature smile 'yes'
   " I want to discuss something private with you" she said handing the baby to me
     I collected her happily and settled her in her crib
   "ok!" I slowly said as I sat on the chair beside the mothers' bed
       "actually, it's really confidential and I don't want you to judge me, but..."
  I held her hand and said softly  "I won't judge, am not a perfect woman myself and remember your secret is safe" I said motioning a zip movement on my lips
  she smiled and said " its about the baby's upkeep..." she paused, 
   "... I can't afford it" she added
" what about your husband?" I asked
    "am not married!" she confessed
I knew things like this were common but not from this woman, she had a ring on and from my little chit-chat with her she spoke like she was happily married.
   "the ring is just to avoid unnecessary questions, I was raped some months ago and my faith didn't permit me to have an abortion plus I was scared of the mishap stories. So I decided to keep the baby with the hope of finding an adoption agency to take her for a couple willing to adopt, and then focus on school. So I don't know if you know any good agency linked up to this hospital that caters for cases like this?"
      for close to five minutes I was speechless, I have on countless occasions considered adoption but fear, fear has always hindered me from pulling through; the fear of the 'what ifs' that accompanied adoptions.
  I looked at her and was a bit clueless on what to say.
           "hmm...! " I cleared my throat, "...I don't know any agency associated with this hospital but I can get you connected to a very good one here in Port Harcourt"
            "thank you ma" she said with a smile that revealed her beautiful set of white teeth
    I looked from the young woman to the baby and I was drawn to her even more strongly than before.
           "I will be back to check on you later" I said and excused myself
   I didn't like what my heart was saying, I did want a baby, I want to be a mom too, but what if she comes back after a certain amount of years and ask for her daughter? What if the baby develops a medical condition that will require transplant from her biological parent? What if Ugo say no to us adopting her like he always say each time I raise the topic? Alot of what ifs flashed rapidly through my head as I walked to my office.
    I was so lost in thought and out of order that I nearly tripped over a medicine crate.
    I entered into my office and sat on the cold tiled floor, I really need to make a decision before she gets discharged, I brought out my phone and scrolled through my phone book, I had a lot of contacts of adoption agencies as opposed to what I told her, but none crossed my mind except Ayo my friend who works at one of such places
      I dialed the number and the call was answered
            "my personal babe, how are you?" she said in her ever happy cheerful self

           'I dey girl, I have a baby for you here at the hospital... The mom wants to give her up for adoption' I went straight to the point
           "ok, I will send someone over to you to take her bio data"
           'I want you to handle this personally Ayo, its a favour am asking' I requested
                          "ok, I will be there in about an hour"

   Ayo came later than an hour and took the necessary information. She also came with some files of couples who had intentions in adopting and told her to examine them to find the right parents she wants to give her baby to
    while the mother did that, Ayo took me aside and whispered in to my  ears the choice of adopting the baby but I strongly declined.
  I told her their were other couples who had been through this search longer than myself, they needed this bundle of joy in their lives to put a smile on their face and gladden their crushed spirit.
     "I can't find a family, that I want her to grow in" the baby's mother said after a staple amount of time

        "well, when you're discharged you can come over to the office and examine some other people. Am sure you will find one!" Ayo assured her
    The young woman looked from Ayo to her baby and then to me, she looked at me with so much likeness that I felt like blushing
    "what's on your mind?" I asked as I noticed she had a thought
   she smiled at me and ask "Why wouldn't you take her?"
   'me! ' I exclaimed in an outburst that surprised everyone including myself 
     'yes, you!' she answered
            'am married!...' was all I could say at first
                "... Even though I don't have kids yet I know very soon, God will get my request right and not send my answer to the wrong woman" I added sarcastically admits laughter
    "you can still be a mother with  kids and still adopt" she buttressed "... Nobody made it a law that only couples with birth delays are entitled to adopt" she added as Ayo nodded her head in affirmation
         'the first time I met you I knew I had met the right woman for her' she continued pointing to the baby 
   I looked at the baby again and couldn't help but notice that she had Ugo's nose, I knew he would freak out when he sees it...
       "I am not promising you but I will discuss with my husband" I said and walked briskly out of the room with Ayo walking behind me.
      I couldn't wait till the next minute. I had to call Ugo. He was an auditor at one of the financial firms in Port Harcourt
  "hey Ugo," I said as he received the call, without waiting for his usual sweet response I continued
   "... If you are not too busy now, I would want you to come over to the hospital, it's  urgent' and I dropped the call, I turned around and saw Ayo staring at me
                    "what?" I asked shrugging my shoulders
              "you want the baby, don't you?" she asked
                       "who wouldn't!" I answered
    "even I do!" she said as we both burst into laughter, Ayo recently became a mom of twin boys after roughly 5years of marriage.
   Ugo got to the hospital at a few minutes past 12, he looked tense and bothered and the relief on his face when he saw that I was fine was heartwarming
   After the pleasantries I told him he needed to see a miracle. He walked with me to the private room where mommy and baby were, greeted and congratulated the mom and followed my motion to the crib and when he saw the baby, he froze for 5seconds and  started laughing,
               'you have got to be kidding, she is so beautiful ' he said
                        "and has your nose too" I added as we both burst into laughter
    He looked at me and figured out what was amiss, but he said nothing. We both excused ourselves and went out to talk
     "I know you badly want a baby, Gracie! But... What if..."
  I put my forefinger on his lips and whispered "no negative what ifs this time, the only thing is, 'what if it's God's will?'
   He smiled at me and repeated my statement 'what if it's God's will'
    'have you had the time to pray about it?' he asked, God was a key factor to Ugo. He doesn't joke with his faith, he loved that verse in the psalms where David said 'he would always inquire of the Lord'
              'just a brief moment of silent prayer' I answered
                         'and what was God's reply?'
       "well, he didn't say anything, and you know that silence means consent..." I answered "...but the feeling and attraction I have towards her says alot about God's reply" I added
     " then we have a baby" he said with a smile as he kissed me
  
   Ayo was around to help us with the necessary process and Uche the baby's mom was more than happy to give her baby to us without looking back, she didn't even ask for our contacts or bio data, just incase. She simply left the baby whom we named Osinachi with us.
    Indeed God has a funny way of answering some of our request,  he just does it at the time when the glory will be his alone and not ours to share.